15.12.04

viagra for the soul

I wrapped up my issue of The Outsiders yesterday. Something felt different.
Usually, about halfway through an issue of anything, I become painfully aware of just how much work I still have ahead of me. I start counting the pages, struggling through the mounting depression, until finally, when the job is done, I breathe a sigh of relief and relax in front of a movie with the knowledge that I'd successfully completed an issue.
Not so this time.
I don't know why, but I barely noticed I was working through most of this project. I'd produce page after page and then a couple of weeks later, I'd look up at my bulletin board and think, 'Jesus. When did I do all of those pages?'. And before I knew it, the issue was done, and I was left feeling satisfaction not at having finished the thing, but at the relative ease with which I'd finished it.
Now, is this positive or negative? I mean, on one hand, it's great that I can do my job with much less stress and fewer insecurities about my abilities (both to do the work and to do it on time). But perhaps it's also indicative of a lesser effort on my part. Shouldn't I be more engaged in the process? I'd hate to think I'm sleeping through any of these pages, or 'phoning them in'. Maybe I should try mixing up angles and drawing things I'm less comfortable with.
But you know, I'm pretty happy with the way this book turned out. There are some genuinely effective mood changes in the story, some good expressions, and I feel that I've conveyed some solid characterization. And I've been experimenting with some different forms of rendering and lighting (admittedly, to a limited degree). Most remarkable, though, is the feeling that I'm ready to jump right into the next project!
Anyone else ever experienced this? I'd love to hear some feedback...

Posted by karl at December 15, 2004 12:47 PM
Comments

I'm not too active a poster here, and I don't know you personally; so for what it's worth...

I think it would be counterproductive to think of the experience in question as a negative. I'd think there might be cause for worry if you were having feelings of a "lesser effort" being put forth while you making the work; but it doesn't seem like that's the case. It sounds more like you were caught up in the moment, your instincts were taking over, and it was a fruitful experience(fruitful in that your feeling "ready to jump right into the next project!"). I'd say revel in the moment, because over analysing has a way of stealing one's thunder.

It's an interesting topic; well crafted vs inspired. I tend to get caught up sometimes in questioning if what I'm doing is valid; am I contributing. I often wonder if it's just a case of 'amour propre' or if there's something more to it. I guess there's a certain amount of conceit in even thinking that anything I do would be worthy. What I do know, is that too much of that kind of thinking can be crippling.

Posted by: j schmo [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 16, 2004 04:38 PM